I present, for your amusement, four different versions of how I dislocated my shoulder: the short version, the ninja version, the timetravel version and the long version.
Short version: I fell mostly off my boat.
Ninja version: I was ambushed by a group of ninjas and, after killing four of them, one landed a hit with a greathammer on my left shoulder. I proceeded to spin around, kick the head off the ninja that hit me and then finished the remaining two off with a punch through both of their chests.
Timetravel version: I came back from the future, hit myself in the shoulder with a wooden bat, said, “You’ll thank me later” and returned to the future.
Long version: I was sailing over to Great Harbor with my friend Dave and my brother Joe. We saw Andy Grant out on his houseboat and decided to stop in and say hi. We were tying off my boat to his houseboat and I was getting ready to get off onto Andy’s boat. Then my boat shifted underneath me and I lost my balance and fell between my boat and Andy’s houseboat. Since I had been trying to keep my balance my arms were out at my sides and my left arm came down across my boat’s right hull. So there I was lying, floating in the water thinking, hmm, my arm kind of hurts, oh well and decided it was best to climb out. When I tried to climb out, I realized that my left arm wasn’t able to exert any force and hurt when I tried so I mentioned to Dave and Andy that my arm wasn’t working quite right and really hurt so I thought that I’d lie in the water a bit. A little more of this and I explained that my arm really hurt, more than anything else in my life ever had but, not really saying it in any more than the tone I’d use if I’d scraped my knee, Dave and Andy figured I was just complaining. Eventually, I got them to haul me out of the water and around that point, we all realized that my shoulder was about four inches below where it ought to be and that something was seriously wrong. So, I sat down at Andy’s picnic table and took stock of how much pain I was in and realized that I was starting to go into shock. So, I calmly explained that I was going into shock and asked for a life-jacket to use as a pillow. We then managed to hail someone on a nearby houseboat and borrow a skiff to motor me to shore. Since they’d already called 911, there was a recue crew on shore followed shortly by an Ambulance, which took me to Falmouth Hospital. En route and during my hour and a half wait in the hospital, I was given a few injections of morphine, which did the fantastic job of making my pain only thoroughly unbearable instead of mind-destroyingly overwhelming. Then they gave me anaesthesia and I woke up in a bed with a sling and less pain. Since then the sling has remained and will for another 3 weeks, after which point I will be able to start using my left arm again.
I liked the timetravel version. Oh yeah and…that sucks.
Fuck! No more sailing for another 3 weeks?? : P
Feel better, Georges! : )
Holy crap! That is delicioso, caliente, increjible, etc.
Hmm, looking back on it, this is probably the best blog post that anybody has ever written.