gwax’s rumblings

Dear Internet, go out and see the movie Hot Fuzz at your next possible option. Every moment that you delay going to see Hot Fuzz increases the extent of the disservice that you are perpetrating against yourself. Hot Fuzz is the best, funniest, most entertaining movie that I have seen in a very long time. Hot Fuzz is a buddy cop movie by the guys who made Shaun of the Dead and it manages to combine all the best elements of, make fun of and pay homage to all the good action and police movies of the past. I was totally engaged and laughing for nearly every minute of the entirety of this movie.

Bottom line, if you haven’t seen Hot Fuzz yet, you should be checking movie listings right now and getting yourself to the next available showing. No hyperbole, this is the best movie that I have seen in a very, very long time (and I have seen some pretty good movies recently). Don’t delay, don’t wait for the DVD, just go see this movie now, right NOW!.

I have just tendered my withdrawal from law school. The short of why is that it is just not me; the long of why is long and I might get into it later, or I might not. I will be moving back to Massachusetts in short order and, from there, I will figure out what next for my life.

Whilst, on one hand, coming to law school was a mistake, on the other, it has provided me with interesting experiences and a deeper understanding of my personal tastes. I have also made good friends here that I hope not to lose contact with simply because I am leaving the geographical area. I will greatly miss the people that I am leaving behind but I will not miss attending law school or paying for law school. Perhaps it is best for me to say that going to law school was a mistake, but a mistake that I do not regret making.

Or, if you prefer, how I got a parking ticket reduced from $35 to $14:

So, about a week and a half ago I got a ticket for parking my car within 30 feet of a stop sign. I was, in fact, parked about 2 feet from the stop sign. I was, of course, unaware of the law, which is not an excuse for breaking it. In my neighborhood, some stop signs are marked no parking within 30 feet but others are not. I figured the lack of posted signs might be something that I could use; due process and all.

Being a law student, I have access to various electronic legal resources so I set about exploring Minnesota case law to see if I might have a valid argument. Eventually, I found a case with a fact pattern much like mine; some guy was parked in one spot for more than two hours in violation of a Minneapolis ordinance even though there was no marking. Unfortunately, for me, the guy in the case I found lost. Then, at the end of the opinion, I found this:

Finally, it is defendant’s position that the enforcement of the ordinance is unconstitutional because of the failure to post signs which indicate the time limitations in particular zones, more especially the restrictions governing the area in which he was parked. It appears that in some parts of the city the 2-hour limitation is posted and in others it is not, a situation which, defendant asserts, unconstitutionally misleads the public. In the absence of an express provision in a statute or ordinance requiring posting, we are of the opinion that the necessity for such notice is a matter of administrative or legislative judgment with which the courts will not concern themselves, notwithstanding the public’s acknowledged habit of relying on signs of this character in actual practice.

State v. Perry, 269 Minn 204, 208 (1964).

In there, near the end, there was one glimmer of hope, specifically “notwithstanding…”, which said to me that if I could show a public habit of parking close to unmarked stop signs but not others, I might have a chance. I figured it at a really long shot but one that would be fun to try arguing in court. Over the course of the following week, I noticed quite a few cars parked just as would help my case.

Finally, today, I got around to going down to the Hennepin County Government Center to argue with a hearing officer. After an interminable wait time, as is customary with government offices but could be avoided by making an appointment, I got to speak with a hearing officer.

Hearing Officer: The ticket says you were two feet from the stop sign.

Me: Yeah.

HO: You’re not disputing that?

Me: Nope.

HO: *perplexed*

Me: Well, see, in State v. Perry, the Minnesota Supreme Court…

HO: Stop! I’m not a lawyer. I don’t want to hear this. If you want to practice, I’m more than happy to set up a court date for you.

Me: Ok.

HO: I can also change this ticket down to $14.

Me thinking to myself: My case is weak and getting it dragged down to $14 is sufficient to prove that I can play the system. That and, more importantly, since I’ll be done with term and back in Massachusetts in about a month, setting up a court date would likely be a huge pain in the neck.

Me: I can do that.

HO probably thinking to himself: That saves us litigation costs.

End result: I save $21 and score a moral victory.

I was reading Dinosaur Comics, as it is consistently one of the best comics on the Internet, and T-Rex was explaining panpsychism. Upon reading the first panel (included on the right for copyright violation purposes), I found myself thinking that panpsychism sounded an awful lot like my personal philosophy of the universe. Poking around wikipedia a bit more, as one is oft want to do, I came across a few other philosophical ideas. I don’t quite accept panpsychism, preferring the very similar hylopathism.

I feel safe describing my personal philosophy of the universe as hylopathism with weak emergence and an acceptance of the pathetic fallacy. Putting this in simpler terms, I believe that everything in the universe, from the smallest subatomic particle to the largest galaxy, is sentient, aware of and experiencing existence in its own way (hylopathism). All sentience and awareness within so-called higher beings emerges from and may be reduced to the constituent sentience of lower beings (weak emergence). I not only accept but revel in the attribution of human characteristics and emotions onto the inanimate; a small part of me is saddened when a rock is split in two because the atoms on the new surfaces have had their friends torn from them (pathetic fallacy).

I feel that the extension of hylopathism with weak emergence is much the same as strong panpsychism. The single mind that unites all things is simply an emergent entity composed of its sub-entities. To get existential for just a moment, we are all, one and the same within the all-being but, at the same, each our separate individual selves; our liver is at once the same entity as our heart and at the same a totally separate entity. Have you ever considered the sentient nature of your liver? How about the sentient nature of one of your brain cells? How about the sentient nature of one of the hydrogen ions released into your stomach acid? Hydrogen ions are very lonely creatures, a single proton trying as hard as it can to find a friend to share electrons with (loneliness is the pathetic fallacy sneaking in).

There you have it, I believe in hylopathism with weak emergence.

Today’s codword is halibut.

The mockingbird flies south on Tuesdays.

Have you found the pattern yet?

It’s time for a beer update. Before I go anywhere, I should like to note that I am a beer brewer and not a beer judge so my descriptive terminology may not be official or even accurate. Now, let’s talk about victory; victory and beer.

I cracked open the first bottle of my, supposed to be pale, lager last Saturday to mixed feelings of joy and disappointment. Upon pouring the beer from bottle to glass, it was immediately obvious that my attempt at making a pale lager did not come out very pale. My goal was to produce a very pale lager of 2-4SRM but the result is far closer to 8-12SRM. Accepting that the color might be off but it might still taste like a Pale Lager, I moved on to tasting. Upon tasting the lager, it was clear that I had not accomplished the crisp, clear pale lager style but managed a heavier, hoppier style of lager. Although the beer is in no way pale, it is nonetheless very good; it is an acceptable mistake. I believe that my mistake probably arose from two problems: my malts were too dark and my lagering was not cold enough. I like the beer and I figure it makes for a valiant first attempt at a lager but I will be trying again to see if I can manage a pale lager at some point in the future.

On Tuesday, as a birthday present for myself, I finally tapped my tripel ale keg. Filling a glass, I was greeted with nothing less than a complete fulfillment of my hopes and aspirations. The beer is clear of any haze and has a very nice amber color, give or take, about 15SRM. There is a very pleasant aroma, somewhat fruity and almost candy-like. Upon tasting, I knew that I had met and exceeded my expectations; the flavor is that of a Belgian white beer, smooth, fruity and with a low bitterness, but has the strong malt overtones of a barleywine or conventional tripel ale. The malty character is more subdued and less over powering than that of most barleywines or tripels I have encountered, which suits my preferences. The beer’s alcohol content of about 9-12% is very well masked by the flavors of the beer and puts it slightly out of the standard range of a tripel ale, into that of barleywines and quadrupel ales. This beer is, in my opinion, a phenomenal sipping beer, with a heck of a kick to it; it’s easily one of the best tripel or quadrupel style ales I’ve ever had. I will definitely be keeping this recipe and hopefully I’ll have ample opportunity to use it again in the future.

As I’ve noted a few times before, when I remember my dreams, they tend to be quite vivid, if not lucid. My dream of Saturday night was no different and it was odd enough that I still recall it and want to mention it.

<dream>I found myself sitting in an eatery of sorts, enjoying breakfast, an omelet if I recall correctly. Part way through my meal, I noticed a fluffy thing in my mouth, pulled it out and figured it must have been a hair. After finishing my meal, my waitress came over apologizing profusely about something. Normally, a waitress apologizing as emphatically as she was without specifying why would probably frighten me but I wasn’t very perturbed this time around. After calmly inquiring into what the problem was, I was informed that a whole live duckling had accidentally made its way into my food. The waitress continued apologizing and asked what she could do to make it up to me. I still wasn’t terribly perturbed by the affair so I said that I’d take the cost of my meal as recompense and be done with the matter. It took a little bit of convincing the waitress that I really didn’t mind very much and the cost of my meal was sufficient but then I went along my way. Shortly thereafter, I coughed and a whole bunch of soft, underdeveloped, duckling feathers came out. Some nearby children laughed at me but I shrugged it off. Then, I coughed again and out popped a whole live duckling. Now, let me tell you, coughing up a live duckling is a very bizarre experience.</dream>

Ok, Internet, I know we’ve been doing a poor job staying in touch with each other lately and I don’t really feel like pointing fingers, so let’s put that behind us. After all, right now, I have something important that I want to talk about: Voltron. In my random being up late, eating a snack and watching some television, I happened to partake in a rerun of Voltron on Adult Swim. This rerun led me to a couple of realizations, which I would like to share with you. Realization 1: the Power Rangers were the biggest ripoff of Voltron anyone could have possibly perpetrated; seriously, Power Rangers would have been more aptly titled Voltron: The Live Action Series. Realization 2: Voltron was a terrible show; don’t get me wrong, The Transformers was only 90% as glorious rewatching it in my 20s as it was before I was 10 but Voltron, rewatched in my 20s, is terrible. Internet, if you have fond memories of Voltron, please, take my advice don’t ever watch it again; let your fond memories remain unclouded for the product itself will fail to deliver.